Gratitude...

On this journey I've been encouraged to be thankful. Many well meaning friends and family have offered comments such as, "At least you have Julianne. She is so beautiful, make sure you are thankful for her", "Be thankful you are still young, if you were older there might not be time for more babies", and my doctor told me, "You should be grateful since it seems like you can get pregnant." These things I am thankful for, though I might encourage people not to say such comments to a person grieving pregnancy loss. Though they were said in love and encouragement, I felt like my loss was minimized. Like it shouldn't hurt so badly, since I have been blessed in other reproductive areas. These friends were right though in telling me to be thankful, and I am beginning to feel more gratitude toward my situation. 

A turning point for me came from a book I am reading on loss. The author also encourages thankfulness, but for something no one else has asked me to be thankful for. Nancy Guthrie, a women who lost two babies at 6 months old, writes in her book Holding Onto Hope, "Would you be willing to thank God for the gift he gave you that he has now taken away?" I have struggled with these words. How can I be thankful for the weeks of worry and queasiness that amounted to an empty womb? I never considered thanking the Lord for our children after we lost them. I thanked God for them every day they were growing inside me, but once they were gone I didn't feel very thankful. I think the Lord in his mercy though is showing me I was wrong in that. Although our time with them was short, the Lord blessed us with a second and third child. He knitted together life in my womb and gave us joy in the anticipation of meeting them. I had forgotten that.

Thank you Lord for the life you chose to make within me. Thank you for the weeks of pregnancy you gave us. For the children you asked me to carry for a short time. Thank you for showing me how wrong I was to feel entitled to gifts that weren't mine to begin with. Help me to entrust You with all you've blessed me with. May my hands be opened to the things I clutch so tightly.

"Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for ALL he has done." Colossians 2:7